/I find this piece of music incredibly moving. It’s sad but it has a optimistic feel to it. I think that it would work well within my performance, as Virginia’s and Sylvia’s deaths could be seen as bitter sweet. Although many of us fear death, the two women choice to end their lives. However, I am not sure about which section of the performance I should incorporate it. It could perhaps be at the start of my performance.
/Why is everything wrong? We pretend we are happy. Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing. I seem to desire the things that will destroy me…. The truth is, I am so busy keeping my head above the water I scarcely know I am anymore, much less who anyone else is. I have been asking myself what is it all for? The mundanity of life it strangles me. It all seems so silly. False comfort. The truth is, I can’t remember when I was last happy. We all think we are ok, but we just pretend…pretend we are. To avoid the silence. But all the parties and dinners in the world can’t avoid the silence that’s within me. We go around with sickly grins, but deep down we are not ok. When we married each other, we made a promise, and that promise was that we would love each other no matter what. That we would faithful to one and other. And you broke that promise. Recently…I’ve blamed myself for your affair. I thought it must be me, it must be my fault. But I don’t know if it is.
I want to be. I want to so obviously, so desperately to be loved and to be capable of love.
I am terrified by this……this dark thing that sleeps within me! All day I feel, it wriggles and turns inside me and no matter what I do…. how hard I try, it will not stop. I can’t go on feeling like this. I feel hopeless. Nobody is there to help me. If you expect nothing from anybody, the truth is you will never be disappointed. If I didn’t think, I know I’d be much happier. But you can’t avoid the dark thoughts, you can run from them. But they always catch up with you in the end. The trouble is, I had been inadequate all my life, all along, I simply hadn’t thought about it.
We should meet in a better life you and I.
And maybe then I would be happy.
Sylvia
/I feel like I’m slipping. Like I’m unraveling at the seams. I know I should try to go on, but I can’t. I’ve tried to be strong for so long, but I can’t avoid it anymore. I would tell you that I wrestle alone, alone in the dark, in the deep dark and only I…..only I can understand my own condition. Oh if you only knew the voices in my head and the headaches…they seem to be getting worse. I’m hardly sleeping and when I do; I wish that I didn’t wake up. My dear I wish I could be happy; I really do…. for your sake. You have given me the most wonderful years, but I’m afraid they are now not enough.
Im having those thoughts again, the ones you tell me not to have. But they creep in on me. I can see the darkness, it suffocates me, it follows me. I don’t find joy in the things I use to. Nothingness surrounds me. My life has been stolen from me. Oh how I long to be happy again. But I know…. I know for sure that I will never be. And though it saddens me, I have come to terms with it. It is my disease and I must deal with it the way that I think is the best. Everything has gone from me and nobody can save me. So…. I am doing what I think is the best. I know you will be fine without me. Your life shall go on, but mine shall not. (Starts to put rocks in pockets) My light has withered. Death is my remedy. Goodbye my love. You have been utterly patient with me and I thank you. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think that two people could have been happier and I know you will be happier without me. I can’t go on spoiling your life much longer. Goodbye my love. I hope you achieve everything you want in life…. because I could not.
Forever and always
V
/
Everybody wants to be happy. Everyone wants to live a fulfilled life. We all want to fall in love with someone, to feel wanted and secure. We all live in fear of not reaching our goals. We all want the perfect relationship. But is there such thing as the perfect relationship? Is there such thing as love? is there such thing as happiness? Or are we just kidding ourselves? We all want to look attractive and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired. We all worry about the future. But are any of us truly happy with our life? With who we are? And what we have? Not everyone can look at themselves in the mirror and see themselves for who they truly are. Happiness requires struggle. We struggle everyday of our lives; through the crap and the mud. We repeat the same old routine every day. And what’s it all for. Some days we have good days, but the bad seem to out way the good ones. You can only avoid pain for so long before it comes roaring back to life. We all wrestle alone in the darkness, and only we can try to understand ourselves. No matter how much we start with, we always seem to end up with less. Are any of us truly happy? We show people we are happy by the smiles we all wear. Can we really rely on anybody? And if you do, more than often they let you down. Do we really have friends? Or are we just living to satisfy other people? Can we look life in the face, to look life in the face and to know it for what it is? Can any of us remember when were truly happy? Can any of one recall a morning when they woke up and felt a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? To think to yourself, so, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. This performance is about two women. Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath, who you’d expect to be happy. One had a loving and caring husband and the other had a two children, who she loved dearly. One was a respected poet, and the other a famous novelist. But in the end that was not enough for them.
It seemed that the only way they could cry out to the world was through pen and paper.
And if that didn’t work…then death was the only way out.
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